My Father

       

Dad's 83rd Birthday
August 25th, 2014

       The illness of a family member can really take it's toll especially when it becomes chronic. You're life and priority can certainly take a huge shift and it requires restructuring virtually everything. My dad's been in the hospital for over two months. This time, and when I say this time it's because we have been in and out of hospitals for various reasons over the last ten years, but this time the diagnosis is dementia. Watching his health deteriorate over the years has not been easy. My father was quite vital most of his younger years. But after his cardiac issues began it really affected his physicality. And since then he has survived some of the toughest illness issues including multiple myeloma. A supposed incurable cancer but for which he is and has been in remission for quite some time. He has proven throughout his lifetime that he can handle just about anything that comes his way.
     
        Despite the long list of illnesses my father has met in his life he has maintained a strong sense of resiliency. Perhaps it's stubbornness or a strong will to live. I'm not sure. Only his soul is the all knowing of his journey. Most doctors thought he wouldn't have made it up to this point in his life. But I have to wonder at what cost? His quality of life was taken away with each disease including diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, arthritis, cancer, minimal functioning kidneys and now dementia. His mobility and function declined as much of this has taken a huge toll on his physical body. The man who once boasted about being able to do the splits and break boards in his Tae Kwon Do practise resides in bed requiring the assistance of two people to transfer him from his bed to a chair. He's lost much of his physical independence and now his cognitive abilities too.

      This period has been most challenging for my mother. I honestly think that she is the strongest woman I have every met. She never complains about her own fatigue or pain. She is at the hospital by my father's side every day and has not missed a day. She prays, cooks, and supports his every need and at the sacrifice of every need of her own. She suffered a fall and hit her head during one of her visits at the hospital but was back there the next day without complaints. I have never seen anyone more dedicated and committed to someone like my mother. She is extraordinarily strong.
 
        They say that when there is a storm you should look for a rainbow. And we have been blessed as a family with so much support from friends, family, and acquaintances. We have been blessed with many rainbows. Prayers, have been pouring in for us. The phone calls come in daily for updates. All with messages of support. When you are in need of help it's like God sends you little angels from the most unexpected places and we are truly grateful for it all. We certainly don't feel alone as a family and are full of gratitude for all the help we are getting.

Mom and Dad at my nephew's wedding
June13, 2014.

       My greatest challenge has been trying to stay connected to the feeling of joy. Our future has many question marks. Staying focused on being present is hard. I think about our future. What it will be like for mom should anything happen to dad. I realize that there others who are also going through the same thing and many have as well. I know we will get through as everyone I know has too. That gives me a sense of comfort. But at the best of times I do feel like I have to make a more conscious effort to feel joy. Every moment of our lives is so precious and when we aren't feeling joy we are suffering it seems. I allow every text message of support or email to fill me up and lift my spirit. I let it carry me and hold me even if it means for a short time.
   
      The lesson I have learned is  the understanding that our calling in life isn't always going to be what we think it should be. We could set out in the world to achieve great things. But certain life events can route us to where we need to be. And at some point we have to look around and evaluate where we are and finally be at peace knowing there is no where else we need to be. Life has a funny way of working things out. It may seem like we've been thrown into the wind or turbulent seas. But like a GPS it's guiding us to a destiny that will ultimately lead to the growth of our soul.

        Each day, each moment and each breath is all we have. As I write this I look around me and I see that I am safe. I am in my home. I have food. I have clothes and as I look across the table where I'm writing I see my mom sitting on the couch after a long day at the hospital eating pistachios. It may all seem simple but it does put a bit of a smile on my face. In the midst of it all gratitude pulls me through from this moment to the next.

Angel Blessings to ALL.