S H A T T E R E D

       This week was a time for reflection, rest and rejuvenation. It's my first week off since leaving my full time job as a physiotherapist. An occupation I've known for almost twenty years. I never realized just how tired I was physically. As an empath I had to work regularly at clearing any heavy energy I absorbed from others while working in a hands on profession. As my sensitivities grew it was more apparent to me that I had to take more time out for myself which like so many of us I sometimes failed to do. Once the fast pace of a full practice came to a stop I became aware of some aches and pains that I thought were more from intense workouts at the gym. Now that I had time to think about it I realize this wasn't just muscle soreness. My body was burnt out and was letting me know. Only I had missed many of the signs. I took the time to get a lot of sleep, spend some quality time out doors and rest. This is not a pace I'm used to so I have to admit slowing down was challenging. My mind wanted to race off and my body was in memory of trying to keep up! I had to consciously have conversations with myself that it was important for me to take this time and rest.

       What really surprised me was this immense feeling of a void. I anticipated there would be some feelings of sudden emptiness but this got intense as the week progressed. I sat with this and leaned into what I was feeling and I realized that what I was dealing with was an identity crisis. For twenty years I was so engrossed in my work as a therapist that I allowed much of that to become my identity. Even my family always introduced me as "Farhan the physiotherapist"  as though that had become part of my title and my name. Now that the "physiotherapist" part has been stripped away it became so clear to me how much my job had become my identity. And today I woke up and all I felt was shattered. So during this phase, as I'm no longer working as a therapist it will be a period dedicated towards feeling whole. It will be a time to reclaim all the shattered pieces of what makes up "Farhan" without any titles or identity.  I've always thought I knew that identity was feeding the egos false self. But it wasn't until that label was gone that I realized just how much I had allowed it be who I am. Seems like such a false sense of existence. So today and in the coming weeks my meditations will be intended on going into just stillness. I hope to focus on being with my soul. I guess my first client as a Spiritual Personal Trainer is really me!

Angel Blessings to ALL