Farhan Dhalla

The Death of My 52 Year Old Self

Today is my 53rd birthday and until yesterday I was afraid to die. I’m not referring to physical death. This is about the death of my old self, personality and all that which was filled with  limiting beliefs on all levels, including subconscious that was held tightly by my EGOic mind. Yesterday I let go of what was no longer serving me at this time of my life. I let go of the fear that my ego held onto that was  keeping me stuck from growing. Don’t get me wrong. There is still work to do and it’s a lifelong  process. I’m sure there is more that needs to be addressed but in this moment I took a huge leap and overcame my ‘fear of death.’

This was the first time a part of me died that I didn't  grieve for. 

I then focused on forgiveness. I forgive myself for all the times I betrayed myself. I forgive myself for all the times I didn’t show up for me the way I needed. I forgive myself for all the times I didn’t trust myself. I forgive myself for every time I criticized, judged or abused myself in words, thoughts, actions and inactions. I forgive myself of not believing I am unlimited. I forgive myself for ever doubting that I am loving and lovable. I forgive myself for robbing myself of joy by comparing myself to others. I forgive myself of all the times I took the gift of life that was given to me for granted as well as every day that I have been given to live and experience. I forgive myself for every  time I forgot who I AM.  Finally, I forgive all those who didn’t see my worth and value because of their own wounds and fears.

I like to think of my life and everything I experience as a tree. The very base of the tree is the soil that which nurtures everything the tree will grow into existence. All that doesn’t serve me was released and let go from this soil. And now I chose to replace it all with the following nutrients

“Dear God, only you are my truest spiritual partner. It is safe to fully love my WHOLE self. I know how to love. It is safe to open my heart to a healthy relationship with myself and with a life partner” 

Dear little Farhan, I’m here for you. I will always be here for you. You’ll never be alone. I got you. 

Happy Birthday to me and my new tree🌲