Growing up I was never allowed to express myself. I was shut down. Told to be quiet. I was bullied and abused and when I tried to express my feelings I was told to be a better person and not say anything. I was hurt frustrated, angry and then over the years it cultivated like I was over stalk piled with all these negative emotions. I became a volcano waiting to explode. Whenever the anger surfaced or wanted to be expressed I continued to suppress it. It was the only pattern of behaviour in which I knew how to deal with it. I called that being "non confrontational." Inside I knew I was walking time bomb. Only now it got to the point where there was no more space in body to store and keep the anger. I needed an outlet. A safe outlet. I need to let out how I was feeling. The hurt, the anger from all the abuse and bullying. I couldn't contain it anymore.
I was ashamed about how I felt. On the outside I was "Farhan who always keeps it together, so calm so centred." which is true. I am that person. But I'm also human and in need of expressing that part of me that weighs me so heavily. I was afraid of judgement. On the inside I was beginning to crumble. Not feeling like I had permission to express all the good, the bad and the ugly. But I'm just like everyone else. No better, no different.
I reached out to my dear friend Noreia Sacoor, a gifted healer, a soul sister and someone I knew could help me heal my wound. I also knew that this wound was not just mine, Collectively I was carrying it for everyone in the lineage of my family past, present and future. I needed to break that pattern, release the anger and heal it in all directions of time. A tough pre-birth contract I had agreed to. Noreia said my anger needed to be heard, it had a voice that was longing to be expressed. Without any coincidence I had already declared that 2016 is to be the year of my voice. To declare my personal power by using my voice to express and speak.
"I have the right to speak."is my affirmation for this year. For everyone that took my voice away, that told me to be quiet and made me think that what I had to say didn't matter I reclaim my voice. I choose to own what is mine and use it as tool to speak my truth with transparency.
And so to ceremoniously release my rage, to unleash my anger to be free from the toxicity that has plagued me for so long I went to the "The Rage Cage" in Toronto and I broke, smashed and destroyed objects into dust leaving no trail behind and wanting every cell in my body to feel only the peace I long for. The peace I was born with and the peace that is my truest self.
To all my bullies, abusers and to the witness that saw and did nothing to defend me I simply say "thank you." I took every wound and turned them all into my treasures. I chose to see it as fuel to move ahead in life, strike after my dreams and manifest everything I chose for in my life and continue to do so. It never broke me. I know that the strength of my alignment with my true source and that is my only Source allows me to succeed at everything. In God I be today and in God I be always. I choose peace for myself. I pray there be peace for all.