May 9, 2009 -Updated
I decided to re-write my original blog to include details I hadn't in my original post. The events of that night still sit with me. As I reflect back on that night I'm eternally grateful for the few hours I spent with Clay and how it changed me for the better.
I was on business in Fayetteville in 2009 teaching workshops. At the time I was an International Fitness Presenter and Reebok Master Trainer. My work took me worldwide including places I never dreamt of travelling to. It was always an adventure and I loved meeting fitness enthusiasts, like me. After completing my first day of work I found myself alone in my hotel room and hungry. Wanting some company to share a meal with I did something I had never done before. I found someone online in a chat room and invited him to join me. I figured the city was new to discover so I'd find someone who lived there who could recommend a great place to dine and maybe show me around. Clay was the first person I met on a local chat line and within minutes of meeting him our comfort level grew almost instantly. Within minutes of our chat, I knew I wanted his company for diner. Though I had never met previously my intuition led me to believe it was safe to connect in person. Clay had never chatted with someone online either. This was new to both of us. Clay happened to be five minutes from my hotel. I quickly got dressed and met him at the front of my hotel. We exchanged a quick hello, I got into his car and off we went.
Clay took us to one of his favourite restaurants. Fayetteville is a small city and getting to the restaurant was a short drive. The only way to describe our time together was inspirational and life changing. We had an incredible dinner filled with conversation that felt like two friends who had known each other for a long time. There was an instant feeling of comfort and ease around him. Clay got very personal about his past. I believe we all have unique stories. I just hadn't expected to hear anything like his. From a young age Clay was homeless and hungry living on the streets, a victim of child abuse and left to fend for himself for much of his childhood. He ended up in foster homes where he was further abused. He was eventually adopted by an affluent family. They had three girls, and the husband wanted a son. According to Clay, his adopted mother hated him and treated him as such. She felt like she failed not giving her husband a son, and resented Clay. In his latter teens he started suffering from post-traumatic stress from his childhood and his parents feared that his history was surfacing so they sent him to an orphanage. Clay joined the rodeo at 16 and was a special man in many ways. He made his way to the army and eventually married a girl who was pregnant with another man's baby. But he loved her and wanted to give the child a home. He provided her with a car and a house. Unfortunately, she suffered a miscarriage but they latter had a son of their own. His name is Beau. They since parted but co-parent Beau. Clay went on to be a well known hair stylist and worked on Rodeo drive in Los Angeles. He has clients that have him flown in from Arkansa including many celebrities. Back in Arkansas, Clay also works and volunteers with disabled children including teaching sign language to the hearing impaired. He's committed himself to helping children hoping never to see them abused or go hungry. He described what life was like being a dirty and hungry child and it made my heart ache.
After dinner we made our exit from the restaurant, we were met with what appeared to be a group of angry protestors. As we got closer, I was able to see signs they were holding high that said, "Gays are going to hell." They were yelling at any sort of bystanders spreading their awful hate. I have heard about and seen such people on the news and media sources but never experienced anything like this in person. My heart started to race, and fear spread throughout my body. I felt danger though there was nothing we did to warrant any attention on us. However, Clay very assuredly and confidently instructed me to hold his hand. Not knowing in that moment whether it was the right or wrong thing to do but more impulsively I reached out my hand to meet his. He grabbed it and held it tight. I tried to drown out the craziness around me increasing my grip on his hand. We came within a few feet of them when he took me by complete surprise. Clay turned toward me and grabbed me by the waist, pulled me close into him and pressed his lips up against mine. His back was to the protesters, while they were in my full frontal view, but I shut my eyes. I then pressed my lips toward him matching his kiss. I thought my heart was going to stop. I was completely frozen. After what felt was like an eternity, he withdrew his lips and said, "C'mon, lets go."He continued to hold my hand as we walked past the hateful group. We crossed the street to move past them not making any eye contact with them. I knew if we did, we were giving them what they wanted. We both refused to acknowledge them. We continued to walk not looking back till their voices drowned out behind us. I was in utter shock as to what just happened. It appeared to me that Clay had encountered situations like this before. I had never seen anyone stand in their power that way. I was in awe of him and very thankful that the situation didn't escalate but, in many ways, felt a rush of empowerment. Once we were in his car, I think I exhaled. I turned to him speechless. Clay didn't seem fazed at all about what just happened. "Screw that shit, I don't let anyone get the better of me." he said. We drove off leaving the whole experience behind us.
When I said yes to meeting Clay for dinner, I had no idea what lay ahead of me. And the rest of the night continued to be memorable, though for different reasons.
A gentle rainfall started as we drove out of the city into the countryside. As we made our way around Fayetteville he talked about nature with such awe and appreciation including the blissfulness of a gentle rainfall. He described how it made him feel as it fell on his body when he was a child. He looked at the simplest forms of nature, the sun, the clouds, the rainbows and described the beauty, colours, and scents in such a way that I felt like I had let a lifetime of rainfalls slip me by. I felt like I had missed so much despite my worldly travels. I thanked him for making me feel and experience the beauty around me and for introducing me to its existence. It was like reawakening all my senses and to a higher degree. A rainbow appeared and immediately Clay pointed to it with excitement. Like a child seeing it for the first time, his eyes lit up. he would point to creeks and ponds and describe what type of animals lived there. He pointed to a lake and said watching the dew rise off the lake in the morning was a beautiful scene. I realized that while Clay was homeless these were the things that kept him going. He found life and beauty around him despite his circumstances. It was his way of surviving and bringing meaning to his life that involved just being present. It wasn't about his home or car as he had no material possessions at that time. And he's never forgotten any of it. He pointed out old bards with admiration. Things that were old held a lot of sentimental value for him. Even if he wasn't part of its history, he would appreciate it as though it was a part of him. Looking at something old was like reading a story. It was filled with many of life's experiences.
We had only a few short hours together and yet in that little time I brought home so much with me. I had workshops to teach the next morning and from there I was off to catch my flight home. We said our goodbyes over the phone and from then onwards I couldn't stop thinking and processing all that I learned in that short period of priceless time. I was a changed man thanks to Clay.
A week latter with more open and awareness I saw a beautiful full moon. I had a feeling it was coming because of the sleepless night two days prior. I had discovered what it was like to have those childlike eyes Clay had. For the first time I really noticed the moon's radiance. I decided to write Clay a text saying, "Look at the moon!" I was about to hit send but due to the three-hour time difference it was still day light in Arkansas and like everything Clay had shown me I wanted to share the same moon with him. I decided to save the message in my drafts folder thinking I'd send it latter in the evening. That evening I had dinner plans and was meeting a friend. We were busy catching up as it had been some time that we had seen each other. I told my friend all about my recent trip to Fayetteville and the life changing experience I had in that short time with Clay. During dinner my message indicator went off. To my surprise there was a message from Clay. There was a sense of urgency of wanting to read his message, so I excused myself and looked at my phone. My eyes nearly popped out of my head, and I stood up in utter amazement. Speechless and stunned I read it repeatedly. "Is everything ok?" asked my friend. "Yeah.." I said. There on my cell phone was a message from Clay and it read "Look at the moon."
I realized that we don't have to know people for a lifetime to know who they are. I realized that no amount of time is a true measure of what defines a connection between any two people. I realized physical distance is not a source of separation.
I realized that the moon continues to be full of potential and mysterious energy.
I realized that every day is a miracle.
