This unconventional love is worth the fight
I hope this unconventional love is worth the fight
And I deserve it too
I’m not entirely sure as to how it started or how it happened.
The main purpose for my regression was to figure out why I had such a severe fear of my elbow pits as well as the back of my knees. I could not touch them, look at them, or even anyone else’s elbow pits or the back of their knees as well (silly I know).
But the regression started off with me in a field and I was on a vengeful hunt. I was some sort of Japanese warrior, but I only fought solo. It felt as though my purpose was to take down the Japanese empire, to seek revenge, but also it felt like I was trying to protect the country possibly. It felt as though that I had no one, no family, no friends and I was in constant hiding from the Japanese emperor and his army at the time. I think possibly that the Japanese emperor had killed my family and that was my purpose for revenge.
I was a male and I was roughly of the age of 21 years old, but I was planning my revenge for over 7-8 years. I would strike in between those years of planning to get to the emperor but they were subtle strikes – such as attacking certain members of his army to send a sign I was still alive and coming to attack. I was a very skilled warrior, and the emperor and his army were always on guard for when I would strike. It felt like I was almost the Osama BinLaden of the time because they could never find me, but I would still strike here and there out of nowhere.
The regression started with me being in disguise and I had made it to this large open field that would have led up to the emperor’s palace. But his army members surrounded the area so I had to be very careful. I would sneak around here and there and kill the army members calmly, swiftly, but efficiently within a matter of seconds.
As I got closer and closer to the emperor’s palace, my attacks became harder as word got out that I was on the emperor’s land. I was fighting more and more, and I was taking on many men at once. Soon I started seeing fire spread throughout the land and there were men coming from everywhere. But they weren’t too sure which one I was as I had disguised myself as one of them.
It felt like I was almost fighting for hours and I was getting closer and closer to the palace. I was so close to receiving my vengeance it felt like. A whole battle was started solely on me. It wasn’t until two soldiers figured out which one I was and they snuck up on me and I believe they stabbed me at my legs. I don’t’ think it was the back of my knees though, I can’t remember entirely. But just as quick as they did that, they slit me at my elbow pits almost instantaneously and I remember falling to the ground immediately and I was lying on a hill as they watched me suffer and bleed.
They then removed my helmet to confirm that it was me. I couldn’t see my face, I just knew I was Japanese, and I could see them standing over me watching me bleed from my elbows. Soon enough I saw more men gather over me and just watch me bleed out and in disbelief that it was all finally over.
I never saw myself die during that session. However, later that evening my boyfriend's aunt put me in a meditative state. I don’t believe I was talking out loud (I am not too sure), but I started reliving those events from the moment I fell to the ground. I still was not able to see my face, but I remember seeing myself rise out of my body. It was so surreal because as I was rising, I was standing over my body and watching myself with the rest of the soldiers. Only they did not know I was there as I was dead.
Shortly after my death, I remember I found myself in front of a a giant old library that looked like a cathedral. I was greeted at the entrance by a wise looking old man with a very long beard. From there I went inside and it was like I knew where I was going. I went to a room with many, many ancient looking books all over the place. I remember picking out one book in particular. It felt like that was my book; one of many books I owned I think. I remember all the pages were blank as I sat to read through it at this beautiful wooden desk. But at the same time, I knew exactly what one particular page said, and it was a message/lesson from that life:
‘Do not let your pride get in the way of your end goal’
I really think my fear of my elbow pits is a reminder for me in this life. I work hard and at times, I do let my ego and my pride get in the way of my work, and it may impact my work , my co-workers or possibly my work environment in general. This reminder, especially after having this regression has allowed me to be more aware of my setting, and my reactions in my setting as well.
Since that regression I have been able to release some of my fear. I have been able to touch my elbow pits now on my own, and even the back of my knees. However I still can’t stare at it, or have anyone else touch it. As well, I cannot look at anyone else’s elbow pits. It’s a work in progress but I’m sure I will get there one day.
Rebeca